on break
So I'm sitting here at my computer, tired of doing practice tests and math homework. I'm $70 bucks poorer because I had to change a flight itinerary to accomodate the fact that I've got a math midterm on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I'm in a state of near panic about this LSAT and I'm not really sure why.
Rather, I'm not sure why I'm even taking it. I got it into my head sometime early this calendar year that I might want to apply. I even did a fair bit of prep last Spring. Then I talked to some people, and in general got the impression that maybe I didn't really want to go to law school. Sorry folks, no refund on that test though. Well, maybe there is, but since I'm taking it on Saturday, and have prepared so much, it seems a waste not to take it at this point, though that's pretty stupid logic. Espically if I do shitty on it anyway.
I have this imagined situation where I get my score back in the mail, and I open it, and I freak out. I read the score, calmly drop it on my desk and go and do something stupid. I'm not even sure what that stupid thing would be. The scenario changes every time I rethink it. I wonder what might be read into there, dreaming up how I will deal with a bad LSAT score. So optimistic, right?
But whatever. So far, the school year has been pretty bland. I haven't really seen many people. Said hi to a few people, seem to have fallen out of touch with a few others. My classes look like they'll be... ok. I just don't feel excited about anything. I'm not impassioned about my classes, my major, this school, this city, anything. I'm not even sure I ever really have been.
All these talks and emails telling me I need to get on top of finding a job serve only to make me wonder what I even want to do. It seems short sighted and foolish to go blindly pursuing jobs I wouldn't even want to do. But at some point I need to swallow my desire for something interesting to do, and realize that there are bills that will need to get paid too. How do I balance all these competing needs?
I can't stand to sit around my apartment. It's very stifling to sit around with only homework, downloaded TV shows and 8-year-old computer games for company. I think perhaps it says something about my social life here when I think that I'd probably find better company were I to spend my time sitting in the library instead.
I've been on break for a while now, but it's not even 10 PM yet. There's nothing I really want to do right now. Maybe I'll go to sleep, though I'm not tired at all.
I was supposed to do laundry, but now all the machines are in use. Maybe I'll write some letters. I'm not up to the task of dealing with apologies just yet.
Rather, I'm not sure why I'm even taking it. I got it into my head sometime early this calendar year that I might want to apply. I even did a fair bit of prep last Spring. Then I talked to some people, and in general got the impression that maybe I didn't really want to go to law school. Sorry folks, no refund on that test though. Well, maybe there is, but since I'm taking it on Saturday, and have prepared so much, it seems a waste not to take it at this point, though that's pretty stupid logic. Espically if I do shitty on it anyway.
I have this imagined situation where I get my score back in the mail, and I open it, and I freak out. I read the score, calmly drop it on my desk and go and do something stupid. I'm not even sure what that stupid thing would be. The scenario changes every time I rethink it. I wonder what might be read into there, dreaming up how I will deal with a bad LSAT score. So optimistic, right?
But whatever. So far, the school year has been pretty bland. I haven't really seen many people. Said hi to a few people, seem to have fallen out of touch with a few others. My classes look like they'll be... ok. I just don't feel excited about anything. I'm not impassioned about my classes, my major, this school, this city, anything. I'm not even sure I ever really have been.
All these talks and emails telling me I need to get on top of finding a job serve only to make me wonder what I even want to do. It seems short sighted and foolish to go blindly pursuing jobs I wouldn't even want to do. But at some point I need to swallow my desire for something interesting to do, and realize that there are bills that will need to get paid too. How do I balance all these competing needs?
I can't stand to sit around my apartment. It's very stifling to sit around with only homework, downloaded TV shows and 8-year-old computer games for company. I think perhaps it says something about my social life here when I think that I'd probably find better company were I to spend my time sitting in the library instead.
I've been on break for a while now, but it's not even 10 PM yet. There's nothing I really want to do right now. Maybe I'll go to sleep, though I'm not tired at all.
I was supposed to do laundry, but now all the machines are in use. Maybe I'll write some letters. I'm not up to the task of dealing with apologies just yet.
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