ties that bind
I'm upset for no particular reason. There are a lot of things that are bothering me in a mild way, but no individual one really accounts for this present feeling of malaise. I think mostly it was just an unfortunate confluence of anxiety causing events, which has left me feeling, well, just... down.
I wrote the preceding lines a few hours ago, and have since mostly put it out of mind, though I have given some new ideas some thought. I remember a while ago I wrote about the idea of cutting ties and leaving town and just moving on. I called it "slipping away". I don't think I could pull it off. Or rather, I spent some more time thinking about the idea of leaving, and I don't think I could successfully execute. A big obstacle for me, I think, is that I am bad at cutting ties with people, and the notion of just dropping everything and becoming so totally isolated from people I know really bothers me.
Sure, there have been plenty of people I met, and departed from, and promptly forgot. Maybe not forgot entirely, maybe yes, but forgot enough to not care any more about them, and they don't cost me any peace of mind by lingering in my memory. I mean, it'd be nice to keep in touch, I imagine, but probably a lot of time would be lost to the task of maintaining contact, more than I'd be willing to put into it.
I mean, right now, I feel like I'm at this point where over the last few months, I've distanced myself from many of the people I knew, and even this seems very awkward to me. And why or how did this happen? Well a lot of things happened that led to this, but that's actually not really terribly interesting or important. The thing is, this sense of being so disconnected isn't really one I am finding I particularly like, and so the idea of picking up and leaving seems all the more unappealing because of that.
Clearly, this is affecting my ability to put my thoughts together coherently, as when I reread what I've typed so far, it looks to me like a rambling mess. I think I'll try to focus on my work for now and get back to thinking about my personal life some other time.
I wrote the preceding lines a few hours ago, and have since mostly put it out of mind, though I have given some new ideas some thought. I remember a while ago I wrote about the idea of cutting ties and leaving town and just moving on. I called it "slipping away". I don't think I could pull it off. Or rather, I spent some more time thinking about the idea of leaving, and I don't think I could successfully execute. A big obstacle for me, I think, is that I am bad at cutting ties with people, and the notion of just dropping everything and becoming so totally isolated from people I know really bothers me.
Sure, there have been plenty of people I met, and departed from, and promptly forgot. Maybe not forgot entirely, maybe yes, but forgot enough to not care any more about them, and they don't cost me any peace of mind by lingering in my memory. I mean, it'd be nice to keep in touch, I imagine, but probably a lot of time would be lost to the task of maintaining contact, more than I'd be willing to put into it.
I mean, right now, I feel like I'm at this point where over the last few months, I've distanced myself from many of the people I knew, and even this seems very awkward to me. And why or how did this happen? Well a lot of things happened that led to this, but that's actually not really terribly interesting or important. The thing is, this sense of being so disconnected isn't really one I am finding I particularly like, and so the idea of picking up and leaving seems all the more unappealing because of that.
Clearly, this is affecting my ability to put my thoughts together coherently, as when I reread what I've typed so far, it looks to me like a rambling mess. I think I'll try to focus on my work for now and get back to thinking about my personal life some other time.
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